I'll Cry if I want to...and I won't if I don't!
I, myself am guilty of passing judgement on the bereaved. Yes, you heard that right, I have, in the past, judged how others grieve based on my pre-existing impressions of how a person should behave when faced with losing someone they were close to. I say 'pre-existing impressions' because that is how my mind worked BEFORE I wore the shoes of the griever myself.
Between my upbringing ("Stop that crying" "You're fine" "Never share your weaknesses with others" ) the media, (think movie scenes where folks drop to the floor and wail uncontrollably when the news of a loved one's sudden passing is delivered) and my own cultural and community beliefs ("it's unnatural for a child to die before it's parents", "It just isn't fair, how can anyone ever recover from losing a child?" and one of my personal favorites, "Suicide is WRONG. It's a sin against God") is it any wonder that people's reaction to sudden and/or traumatic loss can be all over the board?
If you've attended more than one funeral in your lifetime then you can relate to what I am saying. You've seen the wife of 30+ years who suddenly finds herself a Widow throw herself upon her departed husband's coffin, begging him not to leave her, as a loving family member gently pulls her away and guides her back to her seat.
You may also have also witnessed a mother give the eulogy herself for her son who died tragically in a car wreck just 2 days before he was to be married to the love of his life, leaving you in awe of the strength that woman surely must have...strength you, yourself could never possess given the same circumstance.
And what of the family members who are smiling and laughing with others as they greet people they haven't stayed in touch with, genuinely excited to see them once again, even if it is at their own mother's funeral? Or the child who doesn't seem to be affected at all knowing her Daddy is never coming home from the war? How is that even possible? Are they in denial do you think?
What if I told you that ALL of those responses to grief were perfectly normal?
Curious? Ask me anything. I'll give you an open and honest answer.
As always, I welcome your thoughtful comments.
Blessings on your journey to Self-Discovery after loss,
Vicky Edgerly is a Reiki Master and Spiritual Teacher who uses the wisdom she’s gained through study & personal experience to assist others in navigating life’s challenges. As someone who has chosen to grow from her STE’s (‘Spiritually Transformative Events’ ….a life event that changes one's belief systems and outlook on life), she uses her knowledge and experience to empower others.
Vicky specializes in showing folks the way through the grieving experience by applying metaphysical practices and offers private sessions as a “Grief Journey Guide”. She has worked closely with The Afterlife Education Foundation from Portland Oregon for several years and was featured in open panel discussions at their annual conferences
For Additional Insights into the Grief Journey:
Grieving Part 1...The Early Days
Grieving Part 2...When the Party's Over