Let's Talk About the Elephant in the Room : Grieving Part 6

Valentine's Day for One

Have you ever felt the weight of being alone on Valentines Day? (Or New Years Eve or any other holiday that suggests we must celebrate with a spouse or 'special someone') I think any one of us, whether we have lost a spouse through death or simply find ourselves without a partner when this special 'day of love' rolls around, can relate to the inevitable feelings of loneliness that arise within us. It seems to be a universal thing. So, if you are experiencing this because you find yourself unattached at the moment, can you imagine how much more intense it must feel for someone who, let's say, has recently lost their husband, wife or lover through something as 'final' as death?

Broken Hearts and Dead Flowers

Most of us who are grieving the death of that someone we considered to be 'the love of our lives' will certainly feel that loss much more acutely when Valentine's Day dawns. We most likely have spent a certain amount of time 'dreading' the arrival of the magical day of Love as soon as we realized the calendar had changed to February. We could see it clearly looming there before us in the not too distant future. We convinced ourselves that it will be a horrible day for us...that we will most assuredly be sad, lonely and broken-hearted. That we will spend the day in agony over missing the one we loved so dearly in life who is no longer here to make us feel special. They won't be bringing us flowers & chocolate...or taking us to a lovely dinner for two or simply doing those silly little gestures of love we found so endearing when they were alive and here with us.

How are we going to get through this day when the world around us seems to insist on rubbing salt into our wounds at every turn? Every store we walk into is full of pink and red Valentine cards, teddy bears and decorative boxes of chocolates. Roadside stands pop up selling roses and gift baskets for those who forgot the holiday or neglected to buy their loved one a token of their undying love until they were on their way home from work. Our social media pages are flooded with sappy and sweet memes and posts from our friends and family showing off their new engagement rings, beautiful bouquets of blooms and any number of other special gifts . Even the local news broadcaster has to put in a mention of this holiday when we turn to our TV's for company in our otherwise empty homes.

But is it really fair for us to condemn these love struck people surrounding us for enjoying this special day and professing their love for all the world to see? Should we really be judging them for being 'insensitive' to folks who don't have a special someone to share this day with? Didn't we, at one time, also enjoy such sentiments with our loved ones when they were here with us? And who says we cannot still feel their love on Valentines Day anyway?

Unlock Your Heart and Let Love In!

I've learned alot about this life in my 50 plus years on this planet and if there is one thing the grief journey has taught me over and over again, it's that LOVE NEVER DIES. I don't mean that as just the cliche we all cling to after loss either. I mean it literally!

After the loss of my son to suicide in 2002 I started pondering some pretty powerful questions about life, death and the nature of the Soul. I absolutely could not accept that he simply ceased to exist....gone forever. I entertained the possibility that he had merely left his body behind while his Soul floated free. And IF his Soul did still survive without the body then, I reasoned, he'd still be able to see and hear those of us left behind. And IF he could hear and see us then why wouldn't he try to converse with us in some way, shape or form? And IF he could contact us then why on earth would I ever choose to shut him out?

I have to say that I have experienced first hand some pretty amazing signs over the years that I believe wholeheartedly are messages from beyond the grave. And I have also learned that such messages tend to come more frequently on special days like holidays, anniversaries and birthdays. I have also learned that the more open we are to 'hearing' from our deceased loved ones, the easier it is for them to get a message through to us.

So why not unlock your heart and 'listen' for a message of love from the one who is 'lost' to you this Valentine's Day? While they can't send us flowers, or chocolates or take us out to dinner, they most certainly can send us little hints and coincidences that make us wonder....is it them? Are they really trying to get my attention?

And oh how sweet the tears of joy are when we recognize that yes, having our wedding song suddenly play on the radio the moment we light a candle in their honor does mean that they are 'pulling strings' from their seat in heaven to let us know they are here with us. Just lean into the experience and allow their love to wash over you.

Happy Valentine's Day my friends!

As always, I welcome your thoughtful comments.

Blessings on your journey to Self-Discovery after loss,
Vicky