WHAT GRIEF WANTS by Vicky Edgerly

What does my grief want from me anyway?!

I recognized during my very first grief journey that my pain was something of an enigma. Even though I didn’t want it anymore, I also didn't want anyone to try and take it from me.

 I appreciated those close to me who could sit with me and my pain….those who didn’t turn away when I dropped my veil and exposed the true nature of it.  The ugliness that it was.  I appreciated those Souls who could do that…the ones who could do that silently without agendas of their own. The ones who didn’t try to take my pain away from me. Because it was MINE….it was mine alone and no one could take it.  I would learn to resent those who tried. So yes, I guarded my pain like a jealous lover.

 "I know what it wants and I surrender..."

Today, some 20 years later, I still sit alone with my pain but it looks a lot different now.  Like lovers in a longtime relationship, we both have changed a lot along the way.  It’s quieter...we know each other so well after all these years that we can sit with each other in silence.  We can just BE together in the same room without one spoken word…there is no longer a need to name it. I know what it wants of me when it shows up at my door…there is no longer a need to search for reasons….to demand answers.  I know what it wants and I surrender.  I yield to it’s needs…I walk willingly into the familiar embrace.  I allow the pain, dulled by years of experience, tamed by my own stubborn struggle to ‘not let it win’, I allow it to envelope my whole being.  I rest my head upon it’s shoulder as we embrace and I allow the full richness of the penetrating sorrow to enter my being. I ALLOW it…I understand it’s needs. 

Reality...A Matter of Perception

"These 7 little words actually hold all the answers to the mystery of life itself within them."

I want to talk about perception.  I think it's an underrated commodity.  As in, folks don't give it the value it deserves.  I mean really, think about this popular quote:
                                  "What we PERCEIVE is what we BELIEVE."

These 7 little words actually hold all the answers to the mystery of life itself within them.  How you say?  Well, because they are letting us in on the secret that our PERCEPTION of what is happening around us actually creates our reality!  Let's break it down...

What is Reality?

Some might think this a silly question with an obvious answer.  They might say something like, "Well that's obvious.  Reality is what we can see, hear, feel and touch.  It is the world around us and all that we experience within it."  Well I beg to differ with that opinion.  I believe 'reality' is a bit more complex than that, and yet in principal is really simple.  I believe that reality is based on how one PERCEIVES the various stimuli they are exposed to. 

Have you ever watched someone else face something especially challenging in their life with a steadfast determination that things will work out just fine and wondered to yourself, "how do they DO that?  Why aren't they falling apart?  I don't think I could handle that.....I'd surely crumble!"  

Or perhaps you are the person who watches someone in hysterics over a traumatic event and says silently to yourself, "Oh darlin, if you would only relax and surrender to what is happening things would be a lot less stressful for you as you go through this.  After all, things always have a way of working themselves out." 

What do you suppose makes these types of people so different from one another? I used to ponder this question quite often...until I figured out the answer.  PERCEPTION.  Perception is simply how we view what is happening around us.  And contrary to popular belief, we do actually have a CHOICE in all of this.  We, in each and every moment of our lives, can choose what to believe and what not to believe. There is great power in this realization. Let's go a bit deeper...

New Age Practices- Useful or Useless?

      We've all heard the phrase "New Age" and all the other woo-woo verbiage like "Mindful living", "Spiritual growth", "Enlightenment", "Namaste" and even "Conscious Dying".  But what do all these words and phrases mean exactly?  Do they really have any practical application in our modern lives or are they just throw backs from the peace-loving hippie era of days gone by?  Personally, I believe they are invaluable concepts that, when applied correctly, can help us lead much richer lives and here's why.

Mindful Living

     Mindful living or 'practicing mindfulness' is a concept that is being introduced more and more into mainstream society these days.  With the emergence of "'spiritual psychology" on the scene, we are seeing counselors, psychiatrists and other clinicians use various mindful practices such as meditation and breathing techniques, to help their clients find ways to cope with stressful situations, deal with grief or process trauma.  If we accept the broad definition of "Mindfulness" as  'the psychological process of bringing one's attention to the internal and external experiences occurring in the present moment', then how do we specifically apply this to our daily life?  What does it look like to us? What type of person can benefit from this practice?  Let's take  a look.


The Many Faces of Mindfulness