Lizards & COVID-19

Since my 'nature walks' are temporarily confined to my apartment complex because of the changes COVID 19 has brought to us, I am choosing to find adventure in my somewhat limited environment.

Today, I was amused to realize just how much I have been enjoying the little lizards that run around everywhere down here in Florida. I couldn't help but notice how my relationship with them has evolved during our 'quarantine' where dozens of them skip and skitter across my footpath on my daily walk-abouts.

As I was walking this morning I passed one who had lost most of its tail....and I spoke to it words of sympathy. Then, quickly realized that sympathy wasn't needed (or desired) but instead, offered compliments on how beautiful and agile it still was, tail or no tail.

Next I saw the biggest one I've seen to date perched atop the largest rock in that section of landscaping just as pretty as you please and so I said to it, "Well, I see you've made King of the Mountain.....but what makes you so sure you belong up there?" Which, I immediately realized was not needed (or desired) so I added, "but look at how beautiful your markings are and your confidence to stand alone for all to see is inspiring!"

As I rounded a corner a few minutes later I witnessed a large lizard chasing one that was half its size and I couldn't help my first response which was to scold the big bully. "Hey! STOP that and mind your own business" but then my attention turned to the little guy who so gracefully made its hasty exit and changed my thoughts and comments to, "Oh boy look at you go! Isn't it marvelous that you have your big friend there to help push you to be the best you can be!?" because, well, my first-impression comments steeped in bully/victimhood mentality were not needed (or desired).

Reality...A Matter of Perception

"These 7 little words actually hold all the answers to the mystery of life itself within them."

I want to talk about perception.  I think it's an underrated commodity.  As in, folks don't give it the value it deserves.  I mean really, think about this popular quote:
                                  "What we PERCEIVE is what we BELIEVE."

These 7 little words actually hold all the answers to the mystery of life itself within them.  How you say?  Well, because they are letting us in on the secret that our PERCEPTION of what is happening around us actually creates our reality!  Let's break it down...

What is Reality?

Some might think this a silly question with an obvious answer.  They might say something like, "Well that's obvious.  Reality is what we can see, hear, feel and touch.  It is the world around us and all that we experience within it."  Well I beg to differ with that opinion.  I believe 'reality' is a bit more complex than that, and yet in principal is really simple.  I believe that reality is based on how one PERCEIVES the various stimuli they are exposed to. 

Have you ever watched someone else face something especially challenging in their life with a steadfast determination that things will work out just fine and wondered to yourself, "how do they DO that?  Why aren't they falling apart?  I don't think I could handle that.....I'd surely crumble!"  

Or perhaps you are the person who watches someone in hysterics over a traumatic event and says silently to yourself, "Oh darlin, if you would only relax and surrender to what is happening things would be a lot less stressful for you as you go through this.  After all, things always have a way of working themselves out." 

What do you suppose makes these types of people so different from one another? I used to ponder this question quite often...until I figured out the answer.  PERCEPTION.  Perception is simply how we view what is happening around us.  And contrary to popular belief, we do actually have a CHOICE in all of this.  We, in each and every moment of our lives, can choose what to believe and what not to believe. There is great power in this realization. Let's go a bit deeper...

Does Time Heal All Wounds?

Choosing to survive and grow after tragedy strikes

      When I share my story with someone for the first time I am almost always greeted with the same questions; “How do you do it?  How do you survive what has happened and actually go on to use it to help others?  How is that even possible?” 

     It’s not easy for people to hear about someone losing a child, let alone losing two.  They imagine this to be the most horrible thing that could possibly happen to a family and believe that, if it were to happen to them, they simply could not endure it.  My first reply is always the same, “You’d be surprised by how much the human spirit can bear when it’s given no choice.”  While the circumstances in my life cannot be controlled, I feel that my reaction and response to them certainly can be.  I can choose to survive and even grow from these events that seem to be devastating.

The Choice is Yours

     How do I go about doing this?  It all starts with a choice.  All I can do in the early days after such a tragedy is to make a conscious choice to simply survive.  What does that actually look like in my case?  I start by offering positive affirmations to a mind that is trying so hard to make sense of the loss.  I repeat things like, “Others have come before me and have survived so I can too.”  Or, “I cannot imagine having to live with this loss for the next 30 years but I can live with it just for today”. 

If you, or someone you know seems to be struggling more than most with their grief, then it’s possible that they are resisting the process.  I would invite them to check in with themselves to see where the resistance is. 

      

     For instance, if someone is continually thinking thoughts like “This is so unfair”, then this could be blocking their ability to move into acceptance.  Every time they think it, they may have an emotionally charged response of some kind, which serves to etch that thought even deeper into their belief system.  And while it may, indeed, seem 'unfair', that doesn't change the fact that it actually happened. By focusing on these thoughts of 'unfairness' we are resisting our new reality and slowing down (or even preventing) our own healing process.

"I can choose to survive and even grow from these events that seem to be devastating" 

Good News!

     The good news is that once we identify these thought patterns, we can then consciously attempt to replace them with better, more helpful ones.  In this case, a good place to start might be to tell yourself that the fairness of the event cannot change what has happened. Over time, the mind will begin to learn the new truth.  The truth that feeling the unfairness will not change what has happened and will not allow you to move forward into acceptance.

     They say that time heals all wounds but it’s not time that does the healing.  It’s our willingness to accept what has happened that allows us to mend. Because I embrace this approach, I am often able to come to a place of acceptance much sooner, which allows me to move steadily forward down the path of true healing.

Blessings for all on this journey of life,
Vicky

*** For more of 'my story' click HERE

>> Click below to read the first installment of a series I write about my own grief journey.

Grieving Part 1_The Early Days

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www.WhiteElephantWisdom.com