Does Time Heal All Wounds?

Choosing to survive and grow after tragedy strikes

      When I share my story with someone for the first time I am almost always greeted with the same questions; “How do you do it?  How do you survive what has happened and actually go on to use it to help others?  How is that even possible?” 

     It’s not easy for people to hear about someone losing a child, let alone losing two.  They imagine this to be the most horrible thing that could possibly happen to a family and believe that, if it were to happen to them, they simply could not endure it.  My first reply is always the same, “You’d be surprised by how much the human spirit can bear when it’s given no choice.”  While the circumstances in my life cannot be controlled, I feel that my reaction and response to them certainly can be.  I can choose to survive and even grow from these events that seem to be devastating.

The Choice is Yours

     How do I go about doing this?  It all starts with a choice.  All I can do in the early days after such a tragedy is to make a conscious choice to simply survive.  What does that actually look like in my case?  I start by offering positive affirmations to a mind that is trying so hard to make sense of the loss.  I repeat things like, “Others have come before me and have survived so I can too.”  Or, “I cannot imagine having to live with this loss for the next 30 years but I can live with it just for today”. 

If you, or someone you know seems to be struggling more than most with their grief, then it’s possible that they are resisting the process.  I would invite them to check in with themselves to see where the resistance is. 

      

     For instance, if someone is continually thinking thoughts like “This is so unfair”, then this could be blocking their ability to move into acceptance.  Every time they think it, they may have an emotionally charged response of some kind, which serves to etch that thought even deeper into their belief system.  And while it may, indeed, seem 'unfair', that doesn't change the fact that it actually happened. By focusing on these thoughts of 'unfairness' we are resisting our new reality and slowing down (or even preventing) our own healing process.

"I can choose to survive and even grow from these events that seem to be devastating" 

Good News!

     The good news is that once we identify these thought patterns, we can then consciously attempt to replace them with better, more helpful ones.  In this case, a good place to start might be to tell yourself that the fairness of the event cannot change what has happened. Over time, the mind will begin to learn the new truth.  The truth that feeling the unfairness will not change what has happened and will not allow you to move forward into acceptance.

     They say that time heals all wounds but it’s not time that does the healing.  It’s our willingness to accept what has happened that allows us to mend. Because I embrace this approach, I am often able to come to a place of acceptance much sooner, which allows me to move steadily forward down the path of true healing.

Blessings for all on this journey of life,
Vicky

*** For more of 'my story' click HERE

>> Click below to read the first installment of a series I write about my own grief journey.

Grieving Part 1_The Early Days

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www.WhiteElephantWisdom.com