Those of us fortunate enough to live in New England recognize the month of October as the most bright and colorful time of year with brilliant displays of fall foliage all around us. But even though we are surrounded by such spectacular natural beauty, some of us may find ourselves experiencing "grey" moods. I am one of those people.
I've always experienced a dip in my moods during this time of year. I seem to miss my kids more. I suppose the fact that my daughter died from cancer in October has something to do with it. But then again, I can recall having bouts of grief over my son's suicide during this time as well, long before his sister followed him to the other side. It would often feel like I was grieving the loss of the whole package.....the family life with the apple picking, fall baking and of course the fun we'd all have coming up with creative Halloween costumes. It seems inevitable that my grief would resurface every year as the temperatures start to dip and the leaves start to fall.
This photo kind of sums up how I might feel. I can see the fiery colors but they are far away and separated by this barrier of mud and rocks I must pass through first. Even so, when I gaze out past the seemingly obtrusive rock pile toward the opposite bank I become acutely aware of the opportunity that has presented itself to me. Once I pay attention to this, I understand that the "barrier" that has been placed before me is merely an invitation to slow down and just take in the scene from where I stand. When I do that, the reflection on the water becomes my focus and I understand that this is a good time to "go within"...or, spend some time in quiet self-reflection, something I don't always make time for, especially during the busy summer months.
Death is All Around Us
